So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
