New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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