so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
