there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
