Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
