I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
