I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
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Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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