You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
