I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
