I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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