My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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