He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
