he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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