I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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