I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I believe in your delicious
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
