Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
