He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
