the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
