I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
