hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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