Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
