I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
