$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
