I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
