I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
