Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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