i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
