so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
