please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
