I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
