there was a trapeze. enough said
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
