More tranny stories later!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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