Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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