It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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