I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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