Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
