the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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