my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
