i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize