Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
