Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Come share oat with me in your robe
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
