I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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