a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
