i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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