I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
