Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
