I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
