I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
