Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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