Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
