i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
