I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
