Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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