Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
