hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?