The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.