YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.