I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
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There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.