it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house