wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.