apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.