my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
