Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
