I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize