dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
