Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
