Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
