This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I supernannyed him into submission
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
