If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
