So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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