We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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