Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
