I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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