I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
