you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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