YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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