your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't deserve a penis
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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