I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
