I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
